He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
