he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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