I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
