some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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