The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
