And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
