jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
