YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
