There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
