I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
