She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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