Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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