so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
