I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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