hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
