You can't special order awesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
