I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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