I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
