I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
