i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
