i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
