Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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