Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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