don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
