DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
