somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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