just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
