dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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