You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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