so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
