I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Randomize
