He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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