My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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