watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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