we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
