you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
