I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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