I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
