So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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