Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
