is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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