Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
