Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
