This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
