mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
