this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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