I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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