i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
