i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
