If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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