When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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