my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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