All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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