i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
