I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
